I haven't bogged in over a year, and as I was encountering what I will be talking about in a little bit, I decided I felt it was something worth sharing to others since it impacted me in such a great way, and is something I feel everyone should begin to do.
So anyways, I want to begin with a little back story here for a moment so you can understand my situation a little better, not so you can pity me or feel sorry for me in any way, but so it can make my point or takeaway if you will, more meaningful later on. This is all about what God has done in me and can do in you, for His glory.
When I was in high school, I ran track and cross country. Soon into my sophomore year of cross, I encountered severe knee pain. After missing too many races, my mom decided it was time to get it checked out. We went to a few doctors only to hear it was probably just a lack of cartilage between my knee cap and knee bone. They said keep running and just wear a knee brace. Well anyways fast forward through a couple races with still severe pain, then a few more doctors visits, another diagnosis of it being a TB band problem, and still having pain all the way to now in my junior year in college. My knee pain is back and in full force.
Now to back track just a little bit to this past spring around the last two weeks of my sophomore year in college. I started having extreme pain in my left shoulder. I just played it off like it was nothing until the summer began and my job with it. My shoulder pain quickly got even worse and it became so bad that I could not lift my arm to grab my spoon at breakfast due to the pain. It was like someone was constantly twisting and contorting my arm and breaking it and I couldn't do a thing about it. This pain lasted all day and all through the night. I lived on pain meds to get me through each day. I finally went to a doctor after one day when my dad noticed my left arm looked to be just hanging limp at my side with no life to it (and to be honest, that is how it was. I couldn't move it). The doctor said to go to physical therapy to see if that would help. Well it made the pain go down to about a 7 on the pain scale instead of a 11.5 out of 10. So that was good for the time being. But as soon as PT (physical therapy) ended, the pain came right back. Well I hate complaining about these things, so I just sucked it up again.
Okay back to nowadays and the main point of this blog. I still have this severe knee pain which seems to be getting worse, and also this excruciating shoulder pain. My attitude about this whole ordeal the entire time since my sophomore year in high school has been one of anger, frustration and distrust in God. I would always question God for why this was happening and why He hadn't healed me yet. During my sophomore year in college, I began to feel led into the criminal justice field to go into law enforcement. In the back of my head, I started to question God and ask Him things like, "How can I do this job with my knee and with this terrible pain?" After the shoulder incident, the pain in my shoulder also joined my questions to God. Then I would get frustrated and ask Him again why He doesn't just take this pain away so for one, I could enjoy life and be pain free, and also so I could do the career I felt led to. To sum this up, I was a complainer to God, when I thought I was tough and not a complainer on the outside. God knew my heart and it was one of anger and bitterness in this area.
I hear every now and then preachers talking about how we should worship God in the midst of hardships, and I would think, "I can do that for sure!" I actually thought I did in most areas of problems. I never once grouped this with my pain in my shoulder and knee, not even once. I was always angry and mad, when I should have been trusting and praising God instead.
Recently I was in church, and the worship band was playing and I was in really severe pain. My shoulder was just about to rip of my body I thought. I was so distracted from worship and all I could do was stand there in pain, mad at God. Then all of a sudden I felt like the Lord spoke to me the point I believe He was trying to say to me for some time (6 years); "Worship me even through the pain." It caught me off guard because I doubted that prompting right away. But then I thought about Paul and Stephen and others from the bible. Paul praised God and worshiped him while in prison, through shipwrecks, torture, and so much other junk that I had never even experienced. Stephan was stoned to death and praised God through it (Acts 7:59-60). I realized then and there I should... no I needed to praise God even with this pain and uncertainty of the future going on. God has a plan for me and I better be trusting in Him and praising Him even with my problems.
If this pain continues for the rest of my life, I pray it never sways me from worshiping my God and trusting his plan for me. I will suffer minimally, while praising Him, since He suffered far greater for me, a sinful human. Wow, what a game changer!
Now whenever my pain gets really bad, I place it in Gods hands, trusting Him with it. I will praise Him through it. I don't know what my future holds in terms of a career or my health, but what I do know is God is still sovereign and He is still in control.This pain may never fail, but neither will God!
I share all this to encourage you, the reader. I don't know what you are going through, whether big or small. You may have a health problem, financial burden, relationship problems, or something else. Though I can't experience it and feel all that is going on, what I can say is that God is still in control and He is FOR you and LOVES you. He never once has left you! I hope you make the decision to trust Him with whatever the situation may be. And I also hope you can learn to worship and praise Him in the midst of it, as I am still learning to do. I hope this is encouragement to you, and I hope this can challenge you as well. God is good, and He is, and always will be in control!
